Where are you from?

Annoyed...ambushed...flustered. I had to write this post. I was tired of explaining it to all; I had to write this post. I was bored of watching just how ridiculous people could be; I had to write this post.

Time and again, I have always had trouble explaining where I am from. Firstly the question itself is irritating and narrow minded in nature. What do you mean when you ask “Where are you from?”? Why should it matter where I am from? I could be from the North Pole, how would it change things anyway. It’s not like I am from a different country or something, you can see that I am just as brown as you.

Anyhow, I generally have to ask what you mean. Because… and we need the drum roll here because it’s the mother of all revelations:

“My dad had a transferrable job.”

It simply means that his company would transfer him from one region to the other, in a few years’ gap and so we used to shift places too. So, if you ask me where I am from, my native place, that is if you want to ask me where my ancestors came from, then I am Konkani. If you want to ask where I lived before this, (currently as write this post, I am in Pune, Maharashtra, India) I was living in Ahmedabad. Let me explain everything in killing detail in the remainder of this post.

When I was a little kid, we lived in Bangalore, now Bengaluru, though I was born in Pune. My parents did their education from Pune. Dad got his job from Pune. All our relatives are settled in Pune. I was too little to remember anything about Bangalore though. Then, Dad was transferred to Bhubaneshwar, Orissa. People, I would like to tell you, “yes, it’s a real city”. It’s the capital city of Orissa.”Orissa is a real state”. Sometimes I so feel that India tends to neglect it’s eastern, especially north-eastern states a bit too much.

We lived there for around 10 years i.e. till 2000 and then were transferred to Ahmadabad, Gujarat. We were there for 5 years and moved back to Pune after I finished my 10^th standard exams. From there on, Pune has been our home. We already had a home in Pune.

As for my Konkani origins, here goes: Konkani people are the Indians who have inhabited the west coast regions of India in and around Goa. All Konkani trace their origin to Goa. If not, then I doubt you are Konkani. Konkani is a language, it’s not marathi. It has no script, like Marathi it borrows the devnagari script. Around hundreds of years ago, the Konkani speaking people were faced with a dilemma. The Britisher and Portuguese had begun aggressive religious expansion there and Hindu locals were left with only two choices; either to accept Christianity as their religion, or migrate to Hindu-safe states like Maharashtra and Karnataka. A portion of those migrants, went over to the coastal regions of Maharashtra and took to fishing and agriculture as their occupations.

          A good portion of the migrants travelled over to Karnataka and made small towns in regions of Uttar Kannada and the area around Mangalore their homes. The people who migrated to regions around Mangalore or even as far as Kerala, mostly became businessmen and the ones who settled in Uttar Kannada primarily became farmers. I belong to the latter. My hometown is a small hamlet named Hankon, a little distance away from Karwar. Karwar is port, on the west coast. It houses the largest port project of India “Sea bird”, started by the late Rajiv Gandhi. The most interesting about Karwar is that this is the place where Rabindranath Tagore, got inspired and wrote the national anthem. Take a visit there and witness the calm of the sea and the simple slow life and you wouldn’t be surprised if you turn into a poet yourself.

          So that’s about it I suppose. I hope to never be asked ridiculous questions about my origins in future. If anyone does, I’ll send them a link to this post.;-)

Oh you think I am overreacting unnecessarily?? Take a dig at the weirdest things that have been said or asked to me:

·        You are from Goa? You must be Christian

-         No I am a Hindu. Gonna crucify me for that??

·        So you speak Goaneese?

-         No. Because there isn’t any such language. And please don’t say you can speak “Goaneese” too. It proves beyond recovery that you are indeed stupid.

·        From Goa? You are so lucky!! What are the best places to get high?

-         No, I don’t. And not all of us sit at the beach all day and get high.

·        You were in Orissa? Are there people there? Or all forests and caves?

-         No dumbass. There are only robots there, not people.

·        You speak Odissi?

-         No. Because even that isn’t a language. It’s a dance form.

·        You are Odissi?

-         It’s a dance form already!!

·        You are gujarati. (that’s right, not a question, a statement)

-         Flustered!!

·        Oye, Ahmadabad, come here.

-         Coming SOB.

·        So do you know where you are from or not?

-         Oh, I am from Krypton, here to save your planet from submerging into complete douchery.

·        So you don’t know where you are from?

-         Oh, chucks, I don’t know. Main kaun hoon?Main kahaan hoon?

·        Where are you actually from?

-         Told you, from Krypton.

·        The irritating thing when everyone in Ahmedabad thinks you are an Oriya and everyone in Pune thinks you are from Gujarati.

·        Garba nahi aata? Strange!! What do you Odissi people do?

-         I don’t do any of that dance. And I guess Oriya people do Odissi.

·        Did you ever have panipuri before?

-         Oh no, you are the only one. Did your mom invent it?

·        You didn’t build Shivaji clay killa(fort) in childhood??!! Strange!!

-         Yeah…I am the weirdo here right?

·        You are Maharastrian, you just don’t know it. (Yes gym instructor, this is you)

-         Thank you for reminding me. I now know my true identity, my destiny.

·        You are Naik, you must be Maharastrian.

-         Yes. I bet my parents were lying when they told me otherwise.You sir, are truly honest. Thank you for opening my eyes.

·        Your surname must be Nayak, not Naik. (Hindi teacher)

-         And yours must be Miss Dhakkan.

·        Kids in Orissa must be hiding behind hills and caves and get lost in the forest while playing hide-n-seek.

-         Yupp. In the pre-historic era that is…

·        Konkani and Marathi are the same.

-         Yes. Just like a square and circle are the same.

·        “Your people” have diwali too??

-         Yeah. In diwali, we fast for a month, then we get a Christmas tree, then dress up in scary costumes and go from home to home saying “Trick r Treat” and people give us the thanksgiving turkey.

·        “Your people” know holi too??

-         No.(Expect some wicked pranks from me this year)

·        “Your people” know Ganapati too? You too pray to Him? You also bring Him home?

-         No. Thanks to your people for inventing him.

I think we Indians finally need to get over our narrow mindedness. We must start getting to know each other finally because, geez! It’s a 5000 year old civilization already. And if we really want to progress, we need to grow up and start having a world view of things. Have atleast a bird’s view of things. Don’t be the frog who lived in a well and thought all his life that the well is the world and there doesn’t exist anything outside it. Being proud of your origins is good. Being intolerant and ignorant of everything else just proves you are a douche.
So, if anybody asks, say what I always love to say " I am from India".;-)